‘Look at you Ms Skinny. You need to stop soon or you will fade away’. Not a comment aimed at me but a fellow Parkrunner. I was volunteering as a pacer. A pacer is someone who has a time adorned on a bib who attempts to complete the course in that time. So I was hanging around awaiting instructions. Usually I would be lining up with music blasting in my ears.

I glanced over at the woman who was at risk of slipping away into oblivion. She was a fellow pacer running at a faster time than me. She looked good. I didn’t know her so had no idea how much weight she had lost. No idea how much more she wanted to lose. But she wasn’t fading away. She looked strong and healthy. 

Was I alone in thinking that the comment was offensive? Did the woman who made it believe it was a compliment? Possibly. But it came across (to me) as ‘you have gone too far. You are now doing something unacceptable’. 

If the woman had been putting on weight would she had been addressed as Ms Fatty? Of course not. Fat shaming is unacceptable and offensive but is skinny shaming just as bad? 

I have to admit that I wasn’t that aware that skinny shaming was an actual thing. A quick google later I was in no doubt that it is. But is it as bad as fat shaming? Neither serve any purpose. Telling someone suffering from anorexic that they are way too skinny so need to eat isn’t going to achieve anything. Anorexia and obesity need to be addressed as both have huge health implications but shaming is certainly not the way to go.

But whilst I may have been offended by the comment others, possibly, would see it as a compliment. And that is where it starts getting a little complex. Did the woman receive it as a compliment or did it make her feel that she was doing something wrong. Who knows. Maybe if I see her again I will ask her.

But I can relate it to my own experience. 

The first photograph was taken in 2015. The year before I had successfully achieved what I had not managed to do in the previous twenty years. I had lost weight and kept it off. Always the difficult bit. I was no longer overweight. But I became too good at the diet game. I was too lean. It wasn’t a good look. I made a concerted effort to increase the calories. I know that people were concerned for me. Not that anybody told me directly. I just heard it from others. How did that make me feel? That they were jealous of my success in losing weight? Yes I think so. Even though I knew it had gone too far. It took a visit to Harley Street to conclude that my diet had little to do with why I was looking ill and losing weight. It was my damaged heart.

The second photograph was taken a few weeks ago. A sprint to the Parkrun finish line. Not that a sprint is going to do much for my mediocre time. But it feels good to dig deep for those last few metres. So an action shot. I know the photo makes my arms look a little too lean. But that’s not how they usually look. And hands up I am proud of them. You can see my muscles. But for my biggest critic, my daughter, it is evidence that yet again I have gone too far. But unlike in 2015 my fat loss has been controlled. I am healthy. And I don’t look grey and gaunt.

So my daughter tells me not to lose any more weight. Will this stop me addressing my still too high body fat percentage. Of course not. I just won’t talk about it in front of her. Which may be a bit difficult as our PT weighs and measures us at the same time.

But how many other women (and men) are complimented when they start losing weight only to recieve  well meant but negative comments as they approach their target weight. How does this affect them? Do they give up or, like me, shut up? Neither is good. And both could sabotage health goals.

So yes. Skinny shaming is a thing. And as my mother use to say ‘if you can’t say anything good don’t say anything’. The challenge is recognising what is good.